OH NEERRR! It's Hull people on the telly
I’m going to be honest. As much as I’m trying to cement my Single Girl about Town status, January is made for staying in.
Don’t get me wrong, I have tried to go out, I really have, but using six-inch heels as ice picks and my BFF Leah’s stringy arm as the one thing to stop my face smashing into the ground just isn’t fun.
Staying in, in a dressing gown means I don’t have to have the lengthy debate about whether or not I need to wear a coat or the argument with the cash point about whether or not I really did spend all of my wages in one day in December.
More than anything, it means I get to indulge in my obsession with reality TV.
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Tempted by the thought of Tom Daley in Speedos for an hour, I gave Splash a try. Three seconds in, I wish I hadn’t bothered. The kid was fully dressed and the entire programme was absolutely horrendous ... and it didn’t have anybody from Hull on it.
It has come to my attention, if there’s one thing people from Hull love, its people from Hull ON THE TELE.
It’s exciting enough when you think a camera might have filmed you walking past Princes Quay and you all sit down to watch Look North just in case you see your left arm in the shot.
Whether it’s Police, Camera, Action, or The Olympics. If Hull is mentioned, it’s our new favourite programme.
No matter who is featured, if they are local, we will know them somehow and it never ceases to amaze us just how like us they sound on the TV.
A firm favourite in our house is, "DID YOU HEAR THEM SAY NO? JUST LIKE US. NEERRR."
That's followed closely by, "I’m SURE that’s Janet from work’s Sister’s Cousin’s Auntie. You know. You met her that day when we went out before."
Now, I’m not going to pretend I know Emma Walton. I don’t. But somebody I work with knows somebody who once saw her on a train, so hearing Paddy McGuiness shout "THE YORKSHIRE MASSIVE ARE IN" on Take Me Out, while Emma looked slightly bewildered, made my night. A single girl. From Hull. On Saturday night TV. What more could I want?!
I’ll tell you what more. An Olympic boxer in sequins. Yes. Please. Dancing on Ice with our very own golden boy Luke Campbell. Now, I have my hair done by the amazing Hair Rebellion. They did Luke’s mum's and sister’s hair and they are having DOI parties which I’m PROBABLY invited to. That makes me know him doesn’t it? Thought so.
Big Jo (my Mum) swears blind she is only watching because he is from Hull. I know different. I have SEEN her rewinding that bit on the advert where he punches his gloves together and I have heard her shouting “GO LUKEY BABEY” at the top of her voice as she tries to work out how to vote for him each week.
On the subject of voting, no matter what Jason Gardiner has to say, Hull is behind Luke. In his first week, 97 per cent of KC votes were for him.
As far as I’m concerned, anybody who Dances on Ice while the rest of us swap our stilettoes for slippers is taking one for Team Hull.
I’m patiently waiting for some hot shot TV producer to realise Hull is the place to be and create The Only Way is Hull Shore (Starring me. Obviously. It was my idea). But until then ... Luke Campbell and his boxer arms can Take Me Out any day.