Retail Therapist: Scaffolding required
A friend of mine – not known for her tolerance and understanding – recently posted on facebook that if you are over 10 and still get excited by snow there must be something wrong with you.
And while I think she may be overly harsh – surely everyone is allowed a frisson at those magical Christmastime frostings that paint the world white? – I am convinced there can be few people around who are not completely fed up with the cold snap currently affecting our fingers and toes.
As you are waiting with dread for the heating bill to land on the welcome mat, you can only hope there may be enough left over for a down payment on a holiday in the sun.
Having had our arms so far twisted behind our backs my elbow still hurts, this year we have elected for a massive family holiday to Disneyworld, Florida. In just a few weeks’ time, there are going to be Lyon cousins, aunties, great aunties, granddads and all sorts descending on The Sunshine State in search of some rodent-inspired fun and I am not sure who is most excited.
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Being an organised sort of thing (oh, ok an anal control freak with mild OCD, if you will), I have already started packing and sorting the summer clothes of all those in the immediate vicinity and have established fairly early on that all the Lyon cubs have more or less enough clothing to dress themselves in three outfits a day from now until the end of September.
After a splurge in the Gap sale last summer – a tactic he employs every now and then when the clothes he owns consist of more hole than cloth - even my handsome husband is pretty much kitted out.
But it is my holiday wardrobe which is proving a bit trickier to sort out.
For the kind of clothing suitable for trekking round theme parks and shooting down slides at water slides appears to have thus far eluded me.
As a dedicated multi-tasker, I have invested in some Fitflops so that my butt will benefit from all the walking we will be doing. And although I have baulked at the shorts so favoured by our American cousins - largely due to the memory of coming across a crooning Don Estelle from It Ain’t Half Hot Mum in full short-trousered costume in Woolworth when I was a nipper - I am happy enough with a few pairs of loose linen trousers and some printed harems
But I am currently struggling to find the kind of bathing suit designed to keep my dignity in tact as I fly down the steepest gradients at Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon.
Anything too utilitarian just makes me look like a Russian shot-putter on her holidays in the Baltic. But it is equally clear that the pretty cossies I keep longingly picking up have neither the structure nor sturdiness required to stand up to the rigours of the watery ordeal that awaits.
I am not sure why this problem has not been addressed: surely others before me must have encountered similar challenges?
I need a pretty but scaffolded swimming costume and I need it quick. If anyone has any ideas where I can get one I would be forever grateful if they could let me know.
Follow Lucy Lyon on Twitter @lucy_lyon