“I think you're on the discussion board of a local paper pretending to be a fictional serial killer.

I think I'm a killjoy.

I think we should both grow up.

What do you think Hanni?

(sorry, I'm in a bad mood)

I also think 'Hannibal' (the book) was a bit rubbish. It takes everything that is interesting about Lector (i.e. he's not a created "evil", he just is) and ruins it! His sister was eaten by Nazis and that's why he's messed up?! Much more interesting when he was just bad. And the pigs? Oh get out.”

“*Lecter/Lecktor whatever...”

“Jenoh

Thank you for your detailed response. My history is there for all to see. (Very much like Mr Wozza's posting history.)

You appear to be suffering a mild bout of depression, I hope you get over this. If not, I cordially invite you to visit my (newly opened) clinic in Beverley. There is a wealth of material there (Pippa1951 and CallMeSir to name two.) I believe that I am not breaching confidentiality by stating that I am very very interested in their activities.

Sadly, my temporary secretary has not turned up for work for the last few days but you can reach me by calling 0845 447, ask for Hannibal. Following the disappearance of several postmen in my neighbourhood, it is difficult to get mail delivered at the moment so please do not write for an appointment.

I look forward to your reply.

Hannibal
The Gourmet Grill
Beckside
Beverley”

“I'm surprised that Missfoodlove hasn't posted on here yet. She likes posts about food.”

“Imagine That

Indeed, I am taking a great interest in Miss Foodlove's career. She appears to be a true gourmet. I am sure we could share recipes and ideas.

Along with Mr Wozza, I would love to have her for dinner one day.”

“At least this fruit bat has used spell checker.”

“Jonno

I think he's funny. Surprised that jenoh didn't.”

“Agreed that he's amusing, lets hope him having Wozza for Dinner comes true, pics included hopefully.”

“He's still a fruit bat though (said in the nicest possible way)”

“There is another poster out there who told me that he went to a private school and is very intelligent, so must be a candidate for a Haute Cuisine experience. Perhaps Dr_Lecter could oblige?”

“Dr_Lecter,
Sunday lunch is a big occasion in our home, though we do sit down and eat together every evening, our Sunday lunch or dinner is special!
Saturday evening was homemade fish pie, with fresh fish from Beverley Market,lunch today was in a restaurant in West Yorkshire, very traditional roast beef for three of us my husband though, a man after your own heart ( excuse the pun ) opted for calf liver!
We generally have friends to join us for food at some point over the weekend as you know there is nothing nicer than having friends for supper!”

“Dear Miss Foodlove.

Thank you for your lovely response to my earlier post. Your homemade fish pie sounds delightful. The current Mrs Lecter also makes a delicious fish pie. Red meat aside, a well cooked fish is one of my favourite dishes.

I too visited West Yorkshire today but unfortunately was unable to enjoy the culinary delights on offer in that pleasant part of the country. Sadly, only a few fast food outlets were available at the place of entertainment I happened to visit. I gave them a miss.

When I arrived home, a tasty Beef casserole cooked by Mrs Lecter was waiting for me. Undoubtedly, it will be my turn to devise and cook a meal or two during the week.

Mrs Lecter doesn't ask two many questions, who would blame her?

Yours

Hannibal”

“My apologies for the grammatical error. Too many questions of course.”

“Imagine_that - I was in a bad mood as I said. Buster Keaton, Rowan Atkinson and the entire League of Gentlemen could've been on here and I still would have told them to stuff it. I'm over it now.

Doctor, seeing as how you originally posted that you were washing down your favourite meal with some fava beans (which is a feat I'd like to see) can the forum assume you are soundly in favour of vegetarian cuisine?

Seriously, I'm a vegetablist (which might explain the erratic mood swings), any tips? Good restaurants or electro shock therapy?”

“jenoh

Well your good mood might not last long as she's back posting again.

I assume she got her k n i c kers into such a twist that she imploded, but she is back on here sticking her nose in where she wasn't invited.”

“wow forum police are back”

“Yes wozza, she is. But don't worry - she likes you even though you told her she wasn't one of the 'clever people'.”

“Wozza, i'm impressed with you today, you made 2 comments on here that i've seen and never used multiple question marks, well played, hopefully this will continue.”

“Jonno

You have posted too soon I am afraid as wozza's post on marfleetmike's forum shows.

Wozza has a ballistic approach to spelling and punctuation.”

“Damn, and i've just seen the post he did in MarfleetMikes thread, i retract my niceness towards him, come on Wozza, make some effort then at least you'll stop me whinging about you.”

“Mr Jenoh

Thank you for your criticism of my post and I'm pleased to see you have recovered from your temporary bout of depression. My obvious and sloppy error is there for all to see, in future, I will pay more attention to the formatting of my future posting. My only excuse is the fact that as part of my parole conditions I regularly take Quetiapine, this makes me somewhat drowsy at times.

You made a good point with regard to beans . From 'time to time' the Family Lecter indulge in Vegetarian cuisine. For Example, tonight, I will prepare a Salad based upon oily fish, not Vegetarian of course but wholesome and healthy. This is a direct result of Miss Foodlove's post with regard to Fish Pie.

By the way, generally speaking I only consume people who annoy me. It's a shame about my temporary secretary and the postmen. Such is life.

Keep smiling and please keep up your invaluable role as Mr Wozza's interpreter.

Ta ta

Yours

Hannibal”

“Dr_L

"There is a wealth of material there (Pippa1951 and CallMeSir to name two.)"

Obviously your clinic isn't high security because she has either got out - or got access to a computer.”

“jenoh

I'm a vega- wotsit too. And I don't have mood swings !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”

“Mrs/Ms/Miss Imagine_that

Perhaps I wasn't clear when I said there is a wealth of material there. I did mean Beverley of course. Currently, I am only observing the two people you mentioned.

My clinic is merely a drop in centre with a small Kitchen (just in case). I see you are a Vegan and I commend your choice of this Healthy and interesting lifestyle. Do you not subscribe to the concept of Lactose Vegetarianism?

Yours

Hannibal”

“Dr_Lecter,
I do hope the Quetiapine is helping your illness, has your GP has advised you that this drug can cause an increase in appetite? You mention the drowsiness but perhaps your infatuation with food could be a side effect.There are also other DOWN sides to this drug if you know what I mean, I am sure the current Mrs Lecter is understanding.n”

“Miss Foodlove

Yes, but as always, there are ways and means of getting around the kind of side effects you imply!

In any event, Mrs Lecter, is very understanding, she has bought me a pair of warm white pyjamas. The jacket has exceedingly long sleeves which have to be tied around my back. She refuses to sleep unless I wear them. She is so considerate.

Yours

Hannibal”

“I do hope the night attire you describe is not too restricting. I do understand that the current. Mrs Lecter needs her sleep but it does seem a little extreme.
The current Mr Foodlove is fortunate not to need any medication apart from the occasional indigestion tablet after a heavy meal, it is usually rare red meat that triggers these episodes,
have you any advise, is this perhaps why you advocate flava beans? Are they an antidote?”

“now ive lost the plot er how wierd some people are it would be great to see who talks more bull ,,,,,,eg im that,mr moose,jonnnnnnno,and now lector aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ,,,,o well ?????????????????????????????????????????”

“Priceless, Wozza calling others weird, and we know you've lost the plot Wozza, we've been telling you that since time began.”

“Jonno

It may seem like 'since time began' but in fact it's 5 months, almost to the day.”

“Wozza, fear not, you have never had a plot to lose.”

“Wozza,
Do you ever wonder why so many of us can enjoy a really clever and imaginative post, even join in with the humour of it...and you just don`t get it?”

“I think Wozza is jealous because he is not the centre of attention, toys, pram and dummy spring to mind.”

“I am a little concerned we have not heard from the Doctor!
Perhaps he is celebrating the feast of St Valentine with a meal of offal?
I haven't the heart to mention it but how is the current Mrs Lecter?”

“Miss Foodlove

I also love my steak cooked rare. Fortunately, I do not suffer much indigestion. I wouldn't say Fava beans would be an antidote for Mr Foodloves indigestion.

Fava beans are delicious and are an excellent accompaniment to many meals, steak included. I grow mine in the garden they can be grown in large planters if you don't have much space. Otherwise known as Broad Beans, they also make an excellent salad in their own right.

Cooked (don't overcook) and skinned, then mixed with chopped Red, Onion, Chives Lemon Juice and Olive oil makes a delicious starter to a meal or add to salad. Naturally, you should take precautions with regard to the anti social aspect of this member of the Pea family.

Jerusalem Artichokes (related to the Sunflower) easily surpass Beans when it comes to possible unpleasant side effects. Neither an Artichoke or a native of Jerusalem, this is a delicious tuber and if cooked in the proper manner, these unpleasant gastric acrobatics can be considerably mitigated. I grow these at home too.

I hope you found my reply helpful.

Yours

Hannibal”

“I love to make a risotto with mine, only the best arborio rice will do and a home made chicken stock.
I do love to exchange recipes but you have avoided answering my question.”

“Miss Foodlove

I did answer your questions. I said "I wouldn't say Fava beans would be an antidote for Mr Foodloves indigestion."

Following this, I commented on some of the anti social aspects of this delicious vegetable. Salad again this evening, I think I will search the freezer for broad beans!

Hannibal”

“I'm sorry but vegetarian food is not food.

Vegetarian food is what proper food eats.”

“harry

vegetarian food is good enough for elephants, rhinos, hippos, boars, bison, buffalos, giraffes and many types of whales.”

“Imagine_that, I must disagree with you on one aspect of your last post. Wozza is a bore and he isn't vegetarian.

Harry, vegetarian food can be interesting, tasty and IMO, if cooked properly, is also a healthier option. Tonight, the Mouse family (not vegetarians) will be eating Chile using Quorn instead of mince. This will be sprinkled with a little grated cheese. Quorn is virtually fat free and easily absorbs other flavours. Rice, Salad, Tortilla wraps and salsa dip will be on the side.”

“Apollo_Mouse, I must disagree with you on one aspect of your last post. Wozza is certainly not a bore (he kept you entertained for long enough).

Wozza does appear to enjoy his meat dishes tho'

Blanche's lunch served on a fine silver platter would be a real treat for him, I'm sure :)”

“Imagine_that

"I assume she got her k n i c kers into such a twist that she imploded, but she is back on here sticking her nose in where she wasn't invited"

So sorry to butt in...........I shall now BUTT OUT ;)”

“A_M

Snap. I am using soya mince tonight for chilli. But no cheese.

"Apollo_Mouse, I must disagree with you on one aspect of your last post. Wozza is certainly not a bore (he kept you entertained for long enough)."

Like I keep posting - not an original thought in her head.



cara_1951
"So sorry to butt in...........I shall now BUTT OUT ;)"

Don't stay a moment longer - pleeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“wierd”

“Dear forum

I am burning the midnight oil, I have a dilemma.

Following a discussion with Mrs Lecter yesterday the choice of dinner for tonight presents a problem.

We have agreed in principle to serve Cassoulet. The problem is of course the ingredients. Toulouse sausage is not always readily available in the UK. Therefore, we have decided to replace this with Chorizo. Haricot beans do not present a problem, neither does Chicken. However, we have decided to make thing a little more interesting.

You will no doubt have realised that this meal is no longer to be a true Cassoulet but will perhaps have more of a Catalanese flavour.

I also have an irritating neighbour, perhaps he could be of assistance with regard to this problem.

Do you have any suggestions as to how these problems can be resolved?

I look forward to your reply

Hannibal”

“Doctor, I fear it may be too late now but chorizo is far too strong a flavour for cassoulet. I would suggest duck, always make double the quantity as the flavour improves and this recipe if made properly can be stored in a sterilised and sealed jar.
As for your neighbour, perhaps he would enjoy dining with you, I am sure your differences could be resolved over a good dinner and a bottle of Chianti.”

“Miss Foodlove

You are right, but I gently fried the Cassoulet first. Naturally I didn't add any oil or fat. This helps to mitigate the strong flavour a little. The amount of fat released by this method is mind boggling!

Mrs Lecter wasn't too impressed but the daughter loved it.

Yours

Hannibal

ps my annoying neighbour appears to have done a 'Moonlight Flit'.”