“Good topic bt!
I would love the Green Wing boxed set, a new car, I gave up a racy little number so my youngest could learn to drive! and finally a long weekend at our favourite hotel.
I may get the box set and enough bath and body products to stock a branch of Boots, the rest is unlikely. I would also wish all three of the children will be home, it will be the first year without all of them, the youngest is in India.”

“To lose 4lb.

I am 4lb heavier than what I consider to be my perfect weight and nothing I do seems to be able to budge it.”

“I did put a bungalow at top of my list but the kids looked at me as if gone totally dolally so I don`t think I`ll get one of those.
The rest was craft stuff, mainly dies but when we looked on my usual sites last night, all the ones I wanted were out of stock so it`s anybodies guess what I`ll end up with.”

“My neighbour ;)”

“Miss Foodlove & Flossy the car / bungalow are unrealistic as Santa can't fit them on his sleigh it is against health and safety.

g69 - it is unlikely that Santa will collect additional weight but if does stop by and oblige please forward him onto mine.

Steveodore - be careful what you wish for - you could always arrange the avenues Christmas carol event. don a Rudolph jumper, ply her with mulled wine and get the mistletoe out...but you may be having Christmas pud at William Booth House courtesy of your misses if she catches you out :)

*Please note whilst there is rumour that three kings that travel by them during festive season … please do not mix up mistletoe with a camels.”

“jz

If he won't take the weight, maybe he'll bring a new pair of bathroom scales?”

“The Avenues carol event is a no no I'm afraid, there's cliques, super close mega cliques and then there's the Avenues doogooders clan. I would rather spend Christmas at Willy Booth House snuggled up to a camels toe with a bottle of cider, than have anything to do with that sanctimonious lot.

* Please note the other type of camels toe ,ie, a sandy one ;)”

“jz,
Don`t be silly. Don`t y`know Santa is magic and do anything ;-))”

“I imagined that avenues community were a a boho, hippy, self sustaining,eco warrior, green fingered, food sharing, recycling, cycling, freegle, multi cultural and artisan community? Are you not part of this liberated movement?

Flossy - That will be magic scales then for g69 :)

g69 - scales are lame as christmas pressie... think of something fun... I can imagine christmas day at yours a plate full of sprouts and nut roast and after dinner games is getting weighed ....
more fun please or I am going to stop posting you”

“My plan is to eventually get to bed by 4am after prepping and getting the pressies out, this is after my 10 year old has finally gone to sleep. Get up at 5am (as dictated by my 10 year old who has just woke up)

Eat a selection box for breakfast with a glass of wine or beer. Make the family wear terrible christmas jumpers and put on my 'this is christmas cd'. Pop and see elderly neighbours to share the joy. (But not in steveodores way!)

Punish my family my ill timed cullanry ability. Shoot zombies on my lads wii, get on everones nerves as I am merry.Get out some mini deserts and party nibbles. watch some tv and go to bed.

bring it on .... whoop whoop”

“You are quite correct in your description of the community, most of the women look like Mary Beard, and most of the men have a beard. I have heard a rumour that they are trying to make everybody dress in 1920's attire at all times when in the area, wouldn't put it past them.

It seems there's only me who wants somethong other than the norm, what about you bt, what you got on your list?”

“To wake up on Christmas morning and find someone has finished laying the patio

To live next door to steveodore's neighbour”

“jz

Magic scales that make you lose whatever weight that you want to lose are not a lame gift!

I will have a queue at my door a mile long to have a go on them, and if you stop posting to me you won't get a turn ;-P”

“I am quite easily pleased - on wish list is :

JP Gaultier perfume. selection box. nice christmas outfit for the pub. pair of retro style adidas trainers (a little chav but I love the light blue suede). itunes card for some decent tracks and a funny book.

Reality is hubby will go last minute late night shopping, get trollied in empress make a random purchase from the two nearest shops thorntons / h samuel - go back in empress pick a random card from card factory and get a token teddy from the little man. Not that I am being ungrateful I do love him to death. Hopefully it wont be a necklace that will clash with my bright christmas jumper!

G69 - there could actually be a market for these scales ... similar premise to M&S who mark size 12's with a 10 to make women feel good. I wonder if they do the reverse in the mens underpants section? ;)”

“john if someone does finish laying your patio in the night you might want to check what's under it!”

“Stevedore,
As an Avenues resident I have to agree with your comments, there are however a few less alternative residents who are fond of food, wine , fun and not politically correct, we have just returned from one such supper party. I am going to retire now with a gallon of water, a couple of paracetamol and try and figure out who your neighbour may be!”

“jz

Don't get me started on dress sizes (I should have put that on clem_'s thread)

Last week I was looking for a jumper. In NewLook I picked one up and it was a size 10. It seemed quite big so I wondered how big the 12 was and when I looked at that, it was smaller. I ended up buying a size 8 in Top Shop.

When I got home I was looking through some old clothes in a cupboard in the spare bedroom. I found a skirt that I last wore about 25 years ago and decided to try it on. It was really tight around the waist. When I took it off I looked at the label and it was a 16.

And I don't think that M&S clothes are particularly big for the size. Wallis is probably the worst culprit for that.”

“g69 - Size 8 in top shop and u want to loose a few pounds? - show off :)

Miss Foodlove - rebel on a school night! For fleeting moment I thought I could move to western (Hull) civilisation and join the Avenues non norm anti conformation party ... However I think it is safer for me to support this uprising from the East Hull camp.”

“I'm cancelling xmas after seeing Asda's vomit inducing xmas advert. Why should companies ram this type of utopian rubbish down our throats?
I live on the Avenue's too so might treat myself to UPVC double glazing, a nice big satelite dish and the worlds loudest car alarm.”

“jz

The tops are quite big at the moment. I also got a pair of size 12 jeans from there so it just shows how ridiculous all the sizing is.”

“jz - no way - once the patio is down it stays down.

There is something weird about The Avenues though - cycling through that area I feel like I'm wearing a norfolk jacket and plus twos”

“John1947

"once the patio is down it stays down"

Yes but the police might not agree!”

“foxxjohn,
If you really want to create hell on earth, let it be known that you are having a Upvc front door fitted. Stephanie Wilson will come and personally chain herself to the old one, allegedly ;)

John1947,
Don't cycle through the area, that's what they want you to do. Drive through, the bigger the car and engine the better, no speeding though.”

“steveodore - you think a battered landrover followed by a cloud of blue smoke would ensure my popularity ?

Ghost - if the police dig it up they can re-lay it - anyway why this sudden assunption something is under my patio ? Just because I live south of Anlaby Rd doesn't make me a mass murderer”

“John1947

No one is assuming you are a mass murderer - you must have a big patio if you are.

You wanted to wake up and find it already laid, jz just warned you that if you did there might be something under it.”

“jz

If I can't have a pair of magic bathroom scales (is it a pair and if so, why?) can I have a new laptop?

I have already had this one to Unreal computers twice and after the enormous outlay of £30 the screen is starting to come away from the base. It's a Compaq - any recommendations?”

“G-69 whilst equal opps has evolved I still do not qualify for the post of Santa, although If I carry on filling my biscuit barrel the suit might fit.

For me you can have a new laptop, but you have to ask santa. I bought my mum a compaq lap top from staples and it has been nothing but bother. It doesnt hold a charge and my mum actually types quicker than it can process. This is good in someway because my mum thinks she is now a whizz. I recommend a new one as you use it a lot and there are a lot of interest free deals out there to take advantage of”

“I have not googled this so I am either Einstein or a ficko. But this is my interpretation of scales. Older scales have two sides of balance, like the star sign Libra so when weighing something you would need get a pair.

I accept my error and that we have now moved into the digital era and you only require a single scale for the purpose of weighing. However, It probably would be better for you get a pair as the 4lb you have to loose may tip and bust the scales so you could use one for each leg. Would weight be dispersed evenly down both scales?”

“John 1947- if i ring the police and say that my mum has been drug dealing and has 40kilos of pure cocaine under her patio do you think they will pick it up and relay it for me :)?

foxxjohn - bah humbug :(”

“jz

Ooops. I thought you were offering to buy us all a present this Christmas. Sorry, my mistake.

My laptop has been OK as far as performance etc. My last boss (an IT 'expert') recommended HP/Compaq because that was the make we had there. I suppose I can do a search on PC review sites.”

“Maybe wait till January sales - also windows 8 is out now and it might be worth having a look at. It appears more functional - but I sure that there are some techno geeks out there who will rip it bits and say that the zx processing capacity per giga niga byte of ram dama din dong is kaka.

As you can see I can offer no advice worthwhile on the subject of IT. But I led to believe we are all 'experts'. I am a mac woman at home but need to upgrade my operating system as I have been informed that it is from the ark (three years old).....more expense not needed why call an operating system mountain lion anyhow ?”

“bt - Maybe we've at last hit on the purpose for PCSOs -to relay patios after they've been searched

Re the PC - you have to understand that software developers have the mental age of a fifteen year old and are almost exclusively male hence the macho progamme names - mountian lion, firefox etc”

“I keep thinking I should buy a Mac, until I see the price.”

“Of course if you want to be really cool you run open software such as Linux - possibly a geek too far”

“Mountain Lion doesn't cost anything. Just go to the Apple page and follow the instructions. Warning - although free in monetary terms it may cost you in terms of smooth running. Read the reviews.

g69 - Mac's are expensive initially but the idea is it that they cost four times asuch as a PC because they'll last four times as long.”

“*as much”

“Actually I think that's nonsense. Maybe you do pay for it. I was just so traumatised by it I probably wiped the price from my mind.”

“jenoh

Any advice is welcome. I messed up with my desk top. I had bought my laptop from Currys and had loads of problems with it and they wanted to come out and collect it to fix it but I wasn't prepared to sit around all day waiting for them to collect it and another day to bring it back (lost wages would have massively added to the price) so I took it in. Three times.

Once I got a new one, once they sent it away and once they fixed it in the shop.

I also bought it with Vista and a promise of a free Windows 7 upgrade, which was a nightmare trying to install and may have been the reason for one of the return visits (it has all merged into a haze now) It crashed when I tried to set up Outlook as my email software and I had to restore it from factory settings twice which took hours and the second time resulted in them giving me a new one.

So I decided to get a desk top made by a friend who does a lot of them because if he had to come out it would be at my convenience, and it has been a nightmare too. I ended up taking it to Unreal Computers and even they couldn't fix it.

So this time round I want to make the right decision. Jz says that hers is 'old' at 3 years old so do macs last 4 times as long?”

“It's her operating system that's "old" not the Mac and it's only "old" in that there's a new one now, the aforementioned little get that is Mountain Lion.

I'm really no expert but Mac's just seem so much simpler in how they operate. There's an Apple shop opposite Primark which is where I got mine. They're very helpful and don't seem to be out to rip anyone off.”

“World peace.”

“GCtheDJ

If you make rules about us not being able to comment about your comments, don't you think it's only fair and just that you don't post on our threads?”

“Especially since it stated in the thread not ask for world peace.

Anyway I`ve been thinking about this bungalow not fitting in santas sack. Can I have the deeds to a bungalow instead then? That would leave room in my pillowcase for loads of other goodies too.
Please, pretty please :-)”

“I think flossy that the request for world peace was a 'joke'.

Yes I know. :-(”

“Ha! Our threads? As in the 'family' threads. YAKKKK! I'll get yer a little bungalow if the numbers come in hat. Save going on the cruise with me eh? I said I didn't want you commenting on my comments. I never said anything about me doing ditto.”

“Words in my gob again zed. The bungalow will exceed the value of a daft cruise. You'll all benefit. Even zeddy's daft dog charity will get a few bob.”

“g69,

Mmm, Flossy can be bought, but it depends who is buying ;-)

dj,
I don`t want you to buy me anything, I want a bungalow from Santa, thank you very much.”

“I want to make it absolutely clear that there are no circumstances under which I can't be bought ;)”

“I'd love to see a return to the old days of crusades in the Middle East and clear western Europe of the Sacracen hoards.”

“...sorry, I didn't finish...Forget world peace and goodwill toward all men, it ain't happened yet and it don't look like it ever will, so now we've heard the music let's start dancing. All men have been through hard times before and will have to endure again, just make sure you come out on top...as the actress said to the Mufti”

“by GCtheDJ

Monday, November 19 2012, 8:10PM

"Ha! Our threads? As in the 'family' threads"

No 'our threads' as in the threads started by the posters that you have told not to comment on your comments. The rest is your imagination.

John1947

Re your last post, if that is true then you will fit in here very well!

jz

Somehow missed your post about why it's a pair of scales. Yes, you are an Einstein but did you have to mention THAT particular star sign? Or did I start it? Eeeeekkkkkk”

“Frikking Forum peace then. That's for the wishlist.”

“jz

Panic over. I get confused with star signs- apart from mine. You know what it's like me me me me me me me me me”

“GCtheDJ

You're the one causing waves.”

“Yes of coure, but it's always me so you have to be more forgiving.”

“Do I?”

“Yes. Anyway, back to the thread....

Dear Santa, a forum member has asked:- "What have you put on your wish list from Santa this year ... nothing boring and selfless like world peace... this isn't a beauty pageant and you wont get points for being a geek :)" So, I am asking you to bring all of our incredible troops home safely. Can you have a whip round from all the rich countries of the world whilst on your travels and using your status and great name get them to donate loads of cash to the starving millions so that there is no more poverty? For Floss, a bungalow. Mine will never be good enough and for all of the rest of my Forum can you give them what they wish for themselves.

Me? Gosh no, I'm just happy that you've done your best for the rest. thank you Santa. And that laptop I bought for my little favourite,,,,, did you keep the receipt? She won't need it.”

“I worked hard to pay for that laptop and I don't need anyone else taking the credit. Thank you.”

“What the?”

“Ha ha, thirteen hundred quid so's you can play diss the DeeJ every waking hour. Brilliant.”

“Some people obviously think that their whole computer experience begins and ends with this site. LOL.”

“Er, I believe that yours does. I mean like, you are on this site every day and you are very quick to post a reply so I'd say 90% of it's use will be on here. Well, that and a tour round all your old jails perhaps. ;)) And of course, your retaliatory posts under mine at all times shows where your virtual world begins and ends. Hope that helped.”

“No reason why we can't plan ahead and start our Christmas list now. In fact, with this weather, it feels more like Christmas than Christmas did.”

“How sweet.”

“World peace.”

“rev - you and your doppelgänger can't even broker forum peace ...”

“Yes, something like that. Wondered if anyone would notice. How sweet of you.”

“everyone noticed but, as it involved you, no one cared.”

“For next Xmas, a jailbroken Android TV player. I don't watch enough TV to make it worth buying myself, but if Santa were in the mood... Thanks to bt on for the tip, on another thread that's currently not showing up. There's a surprise.

Meanwhile, if it lets you watch iPlayer for free, I'd not noise about that I had one. The way Auntie stomps on proxy servers that let nonBrits into iPlayer (they hardly remain operating a week on average), it's only a matter of time before they close this knothole too. Might send the heavies round to collect your annual TV license fee if you've not paid up.

Polite proxy servers tattle on you when you try to do something naughty. They stop substituting their IP address for yours, and substitute 'http//:FORWARDED_FOR:', followed by your IP, instead. iPlayer rejects attempts to watch video content when this happens. You can still surf the web site and listen to audio, but then you can do that without a proxy server anyway.

Please, Santa?”

“I still pay my tv licence though :) Direct Debit

As a kid I was always at the forefront of IT using the old bbc computers to write programmes - now the lingo feels foreign to me

is this a sign I am ageing?”

“Tiptoeing right round that one... :)

No signs of aging here... not a one. If a gang of punks tried to take me on some dark night, why, I'd... sue 'em in a heartbeat.”

“yes jz. I too used to know all the new technological developments and now I haven't a clue - BUT - I don't think I'm interested.”