Ian Midgley: Is Hull's dream date with Mr Siemens written in the stars? Watch this space ...
Sometimes I think that all Hull needs is a little confidence. I like to see our fair city as a middle-aged woman.
She's been around the block, still a looker in the right light, had some good times, plenty of bad, and is now swinging her handbag down the singles night on the lookout for a new suitor.
All she really needs is a little confidence, a fillip, a kind word, a boost to believe in herself again after a tough decade or two.
Of course, she can sing I Will Survive on karaoke as much as she likes but what she really needs is her self-confidence and a little respect.
CAR KEYS AND REMOTES "FREE REMOTE KEY FOB BATTERY" 01482 423414 ...View details
FOR ALL YOUR CAR KEY NEEDS CALL US NOW ON
SNAPPED KEYS, LOST KEYS, KEYS LOCKED IN VEHICLES,
WE ALSO REPAIR 90% OF ALL REMOTES AND KEYS, NO FIX NO CHARGE.
Terms: FREE REMOTE KEY FOB BATTERY ONE PER CUSTOMER
Contact: 01482 423414
Valid until: Friday, May 31 2013
She needs someone to come along and sweep her off her feet, give her the full flowers and roses routine - maybe a slap-up fish supper and tell her that he's in for the long haul. A bloke with deep pockets who likes commitment; now that's a keeper.
Of course, locally, everyone is pinning their hopes on that eminently suitable Mr Siemens.
He's the dashing, self-made man on the scene with a stable bank account and a smidgen of foreign charm.
They've been circling each other on the dance floor for so long now that the bouncers watching from the corner wonder if either of them is ever going to make a move – or both go home lonely again.
There'll be other girls for Siemens, of course, but in her eyes, he's Mr Right. The One.
If it doesn't come off I dread to think what it will do for her self-image.
It will be like getting all dressed up for a date with the boy you've loved from afar for years – only to be stood up in favour of a better-looking model from down the road.
Positive comments from the German firm's UK head of energy Matthew Chinn last week suggest they still really fancy us but, in Sir Alex Ferguson parlance, it will be squeaky-bum time until the diggers roll into Alexandra Dock.
Sometimes it feel like we haven't just got all our eggs in one basket, we've got the chicken in there, too.
What we need is a grand gesture, a hopelessly idealistic banner to rally around that doesn't involve waiting on others to decide whether we are worthy of investment or not.
The answer, as you so rarely hear these days, comes from Iran.
Yes, you heard right, Iran, land of mad despots and dodgy nuclear research.
It seems that, despite being crippled by sanctions, the Middle Eastern country managed to send a monkey into orbit – as part of its own space programme – and then return it safely to terra firma.
Cue much national rejoicing and a spring in the Iranian step.
So I was thinking ... if Iran can do it – and all they've got to work with is a couple of donkeys and a rocket made out of an old SodaStream – then why not Hull?
Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to launch Hull's space programme.
I pledge that by the time Siemens signs on the dotted line, we will have our own monkey in space – and let's face it, they're the best kind.
Using nothing but our ingenuity and one of Lord Prescott's spare Jags converted into a simian-friendly sub-orbital space pod, the sky will be our limit.
We can use The Deep as our mission control and call our monkey pilot Mr Chu, dressed exclusively by Hull's most successful clothing out let.
He'd be Mr Chu, the Primark Primate.
Then, once he'd circled Earth and successfully splashed down in Bridlington Harbour, we'd be the toast of the scientific community.
Mr Chu could even do some research while he's up there, like discovering the effect of zero gravity on patty butties.
Of course, I'm being flippant. It's one of my many flaws.
For a start there's no way we'd ever get Sewerby Hall to lend us one of their monkeys to shoot into orbit.
They might stretch to a penguin but that wouldn't be half as fun.
But the point stands, we need rid ourselves of our self-doubt, say no to negativity and exclaim that we are Hull and we are proud.
We're not going to be bogged down by pessimism anymore.
We may not really be able to shoot a monkey into space, but we've got so much more to offer than we sometimes think.