Angus Young's 2013: John Prescott's next election campaign and Wonga to take over Humber Bridge

It's that time of the year when I polish my crystal ball and predict the likely events of the next 12 months. Don't say you haven't been warned ...

January: Lord Prescott launches an election campaign to become the next chairman of Sutton Parish Council.

"I want to give the people a voice," he says.

February: After eight years in the making, officials say the city's new £7m footbridge over the River Hull is "nearly ready" to open.

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March: In a shock move, police and crime commissioner Matthew Grove appoints the Chuckle Brothers as Humberside's new chief constable in a job-share.

"They were very good in Sleeping Beauty," he says.

April: Tony Blair jets into Hull to support Lord Prescott.

"John is the best man for the job," he tells a waiter in a near-empty Mr Chu's.

May: Assem Allam celebrates Hull City's promotion to the Premier League by announcing plans to build a new pyramid-shaped stadium for the Tigers on Beverley Westwood.

"I can't see how anyone would object," he says.

June: Hull Royal Infirmary announces plans to reduce patient mortality rates and patient waiting times by banning patients until further notice.

July: In a shock move, motorists are forced to take out payday loans to cross the estuary on the renamed Wonga Bridge after officials agree a sponsorship deal with the finance firm.

August: East Riding Council unveils proposals to build a 50ft brick wall stretching from Saltend to Hessle.

Denying any intended snub towards Hull, council leader Steve Parnaby claims it will be a boost for the local construction industry.

September: Retired lollipop lady Edna Gibbons, 87, announces plans to stand as an independent candidate against Lord Prescott in the Sutton Parish Council election.

"Lord Who? I'm a bit deaf," she tells reporters.

October: Council officials in Hull say funding cuts have forced them to scrap fortnightly bin collections and introduce annual ones instead.

Residents are advised to follow the example already set by others in storing rubbish in their gardens.

November: The city's new £7m footbridge over the River Hull will be ready "in two shakes of a lamb's tail," says a spokesman.

December: Lord Prescott jets off to China without speaking to reporters after being defeated by ex-lollipop lady Edna Gibbons in the Sutton Parish Council election.