Brothers told to remove ornaments from mum's grave at Hull's Northern Cemetery
THE sons of a woman who died of cancer have hit out at the city council for ordering them to remove ornaments from their mother's grave.
Nigel and Colin Shaw say items placed on the plot, in tribute to their mother Violet, harm no one and they insist it is always kept immaculate.
But staff at Northern Cemetery, off Chanterlands Avenue in west Hull, say the items breach their rules and regulations.
Nigel and Colin have vowed not to remove the ornaments and the brothers say they will call the police if any are taken away.
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"As a family, we are very upset about it all," said Nigel, 52. "We can't comprehend why it's a problem if a family feel they want to put a few ornaments out on a grave.
"In our view, our mother's grave is kept very clean and tidy.
"Having a few ornaments is our little way of paying respects to our mother – she was a lovely woman who loved her family.
"We love our mum and just because she's in that grave, it doesn't mean we won't ever stop showing her respect, as we tried explaining to cemetery staff."
Nigel said he spotted more signs around the cemetery during his visit on Friday afternoon.
"Our notice was tied to the 1ft ornamental fence that surrounds our mother's grave," he said.
"It asked us to see a member of staff about the ornaments, which I did.
"A member of staff told us a complaint had been made about the amount of items being placed on graves and they were having to act on it."
But Nigel, of west Hull, believes the council should have properly consulted with families.
"There was no consultation," he said. "The first we knew of all this was the appearance of signs placed on graves.
"There is no way we are removing items from our mother's grave and if the council wants to try removing them, we'll be calling the police."
Colin, 64, said his mother, who died in February 2011, aged 85, liked to collect ornaments, so it was fitting some were placed on her grave in tribute to her.
He said: "It's not harming anyone, so where is the problem?
"Our mam liked cats and fairies – that kind of thing. These ornaments are only cheap, but she liked them.
"It's all on our plot. We are not invading anyone else's plot."
In response to the brothers' complaints, Hull City Council said all families have varying levels of what is acceptable.
It says what is respectful to one family may be seen as distasteful, and in some cases, offensive by others and by having rules and regulations, it strives to find a balance, however on some occasions not everyone can be pleased.
In a statement, Andy Brown, the local authority's customer services manager, said: "Although we can understand why this request may be upsetting, we adhere to the policy regarding memorabilia on individual graves in our cemeteries, to ensure the facilities are kept in a good condition that visitors quite rightly expect.
"The request is in accordance with the agreement signed by the deed owners, which is needed to ensure the quality of the appearance as well as being able to carry out maintenance and meet health and safety requirements.
"Deed owners are made aware of these requirements when they obtain a cemetery deed and as with this case the deed owners are also sent a reminder."
17 Comments
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by GuyCandy
Thursday, February 28 2013, 9:44PM
“All this junk just makes the place look tacky.
Have some sense of taste for crying out loud, as has been said elsewhere, it's not a car boot sale.”
by DanDrimire
Thursday, February 28 2013, 9:12PM
“............ on reflection, they do rather look like they're running a tat stall at the Walton Street car boot.”
by Mark_Hull_65
Thursday, February 28 2013, 8:39PM
“Good and bad taste is of course a matter of taste but to me that grave looks more like the reduced to clear section of Poundland than anything else.
As others have said rules is rules and a cemetery is not the place to start playing the 'rules are there to be broken' card.
Just this week I've been sorting out my late father's headstone and the rules are quite clear about what you can and cannot have and that's what you agree to when you sign on the dotted line.
If the council allow one family to get away with ignoring the rules where does it end? It starts with a fence around the grave and ends with 20 metre high glow-in-the-dark seraphim and cherubim.
If somebody did this next to my father's grave I'd not exactly go ballistic but I'd rather not have to give directions which include the words 'Just to the left of the tacky one'.”
by DanDrimire
Thursday, February 28 2013, 5:18PM
“When the grave was purchased the owners, as the story states, signed a contract .... a legally binding contract .... which clearly states that ornaments are not allowed.
Imagine the situation whereby anyone who signs a contract can blatantly ignore it because "they feel like it". If their neighbours started a car repair workshop next to them because they feel like it" or the bank charged them £100 a day, because they "feel like it".
If you disagree with the contract, don't sign it. But don't sign it and then ignore it.”
by cazmarelda
Thursday, February 28 2013, 5:05PM
“If they are 'tasteful' that is not a problem. Someone showed me something they had bought for a loved ones grave early last year. It was a solar powered plastic animal about 2 foot high. How I kept a straight face I will never know. I am not being disrespectful but if anyone put anything like that on my grave it would be a good job that I would be already dead because otherwise I would die laughing!
Also the thought of someone visiting a loved ones final resting place in the dusk and feeling upset and then turning and coming face to face to face with a two foot high animal with glowing solar powered eyes - really does not bear thinking about.
I still laugh whenever I think about it!
The photo shown of Mrs Shaw's grave does not look excessive compared to some that resemble a car boot sale. Mrs Shaw's plot looks very well kept also. Still if they have to stop the ones that are excessive I suppose others will also be affected.”
by glen1954
Thursday, February 28 2013, 4:48PM
“Its nice to see these graves kept lovely and colourful,just leave people alone what harm is it doing,I go to visit family graves on a regularly and those with ornaments brighten up the cemetery.The person complaining needs to get a life or better still...a death.”
by mand1973
Thursday, February 28 2013, 3:56PM
“When a loved one passes away and you pay for their final place of rest,why shouldn't you be able to place tasteful things on it?My nanna had this issue when my granddad passed away,and it caused a great deal of upset.
I could see the problem if there was offensive items placed on the stone,for instance,but this looks like a plot that is well cared for by a loving family.
It wouldn't surprise me if people have complained about babies/childrens resting places too,obviously these have ornaments etc on them and why shouldn't they?
You go to the cemetery to remember your loved ones.I think those complaining need to wind their neck in.”
by myhull
Thursday, February 28 2013, 2:35PM
“I'm afaid i have to agree with the council on this one,
Rules are Rules, and they're not necassarily there just to stop YOU doing what you want to do, they're to stop people taking it too far, as some clearly do.
A cemetery is a place of rest, not a blank canvas to be "pimped up" as much as they might want to see all the ornaments, the "neighbours" migh not want to see them
They've all paid the same and signed the same agreement, some just choose not to follow it
I dont think anyone ever thinks "when i die i want my grave covered in ornaments" so why after they die do we suddenly think they would?”
by JayOnly
Thursday, February 28 2013, 12:46PM
“So, where's the plot with a conifer on it? I'll bet it's against the 'rules'....if it isn't, i'll eat it.”
by Maccy_george
Thursday, February 28 2013, 12:16PM
“While the one in this picture doesn't look too bad there are many that are tacky & chav like.
Rules are rules & if the council let everyone do as they like the place would quickly become a mass of windmills, flags, balloons, football shirts & god knows what else.
I agree with Tiree-Auto as well, how can people be allowed to plant conifers?, surely this is more against the rules than ornaments?
Some of them have got to ridiculous heights & if anyone planted one next to my family's plot I would have no hesitation in chopping it down.”