If there's one thing girls need to survive football, it's Fifty Shades Of Grey
I was told this week that I've been living in the dark ages. I don't have a dishwasher and I don't see the need for one – what's the point in leaving the dirty pots festering in a machine until it gets full when you can wash as you go along.
I've still not invested in a sat nav despite the fact it'll probably save me from divorce one day due to the explosive arguments the other half and I have in the car over map- reading skills.
And I've only just got an iPod and started downloading music, and I still haven't figured out how to poke people on Facebook or use Twitter properly.
But despite my lack of mod cons, according to most of the women in East Yorkshire I've been living in a cave because until this week I hadn't heard of Fifty Shades Of Grey.
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Just in case there is anyone, like me, who hasn't heard of this, it's not a paint chart from a DIY shop but a novel that has become a worldwide phenomenon.
It has been dubbed "mummy porn".
In coffee shops across the country, instead of moaning about their husbands and swapping potty training tips, women are discussing sex dungeons while dunking their digestives.
But it is not just women who are buying into the hype, it's men too.
One rugby player walked into the dressing room this week and told his teammates he'd had the best week of his life and if he could give his friends just one tip in life it would to buy their wives and girlfriends a copy.
Men from all walks of life have been furtively hanging around bookshops in the city trying to bag a copy.
The trilogy of books sees a student meet an older successful billionaire businessman and embark on a passionate romance with a twist – it involves dominatrix and sex dungeons.
It's described as the new Twilight saga but more explicit and without the vampires.
I've only read to chapter eight of the first book, it's no Jane Austin novel, but I have to admit I'm hooked.
It might be described as "mummy porn" but I've seen a number of grannies sneaking copies into their shopping bags underneath their veg.
It's not just the younger generations reading it, everyone's mums seem to have a copy by their bedside tables.
I first heard of these books when a colleague excitedly raced up to me and asked me what I thought.
She was amazed I hadn't heard of it and told me it was essential reading and she was already on the next instalment.
If there's one book you need to survive your other halves being glued to the football, it is this.
It should be an essential part of your holiday packing and I guarantee on beaches across the world, women will be tucking a copy in their bag next to their shades and suncream.
I suggest if you don't want the world knowing you've got your head stuck into this year's must-have steamy romp then invest in a kindle.